


What shall I do with a drunken brother?

by orphan_account



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Comedy, Gen, drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 12:37:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12557532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Bård comes home at 2 in the morning, drunk. Vegard gets annoyed at first, but that soon changes into a laughing fit.





	What shall I do with a drunken brother?

**Author's Note:**

> Tried some comedy. I've never written comedy before, so this is a first. Enjoy.

Vegard wakes up because of the noise of the front door slamming shut. What follows next is some more weird sounds, like things are falling down. Vegard puts on some pants and goes downstairs. There he sees Bård, completely drunk.

"You had fun, didn't you?" Vegard asked, annoyed because of being woken up.

"VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!" Bård shouted happily, with a big smile on his face.

"You are drunk!"

"Me? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. YOU are drunk."

"I'm not drunk. I was in bed, sleeping."

"YOU ARE A NERD! VEGARD THE NERD!"

"Well, fine, I'm a nerd and you are drunk. Fair enough. Now, can you please stop shouting and be a little more quiet when you come home? What did you do in the hallway by the way? Why are all the lamps, vases and the shoe rack on the floor?"

"If you... hihihihihi... IF YOU DIDN'T MAKE THE DOORSTEP HIGHER, that wooooooooooouldn't have happened." Bård said, half shouting, half giggling.

Vegard couldn't help but laugh. He was annoyed at first, but seeing his brother like this gave him the giggles.

"What do you mean, making the doorstep higher? It is still like it was before, Bård." Vegard said.

"No, no no, Vegard! It was higher, it was damn difficult to get on the daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn doorstep. And then, BOOM!"

"What boom!?" 

"All those things started to fall down. It was like magic. Oh and then I kissed the floor, but don't be jaleous, next time I'll kiss you too."

"Ew, Bård. No, thank you."

"Kissie kissie kissie!"

Bård walked over to where Vegard was standing and kissed him on the cheeck.

"Ew, Bård, that's just gross, ugh, you smell like beer."

"What? I don't smell. I'm irresistable!"

"No, you're just a drunk idiot. I think you should go to bed."

"He he he, I'm an idiot, hehe but an irresistable one, you have to admit."

"Yeah, yeah, fine. Go to bed now, it's late and I want to sleep."

"Ooooh, there's the nerd again!"

"Bård!"

"Hi!"

Vegard started laughing again. His brother was one drunk mess, but at least a funny one.

"Just go to bed now. You won't be so happy anymore tomorrow, I think."

"I'm aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalways happy. Always. And you know why? YOUR face always does it to me. You look stupid, haha."

"You should see your own face right now. You look stupid too."

"No, I look beautiful! I'm prince charming! Look at my fence!"

"Fence?"

"I meant the face."

Vegard just cracked up from laughter. 'Look at my fence...' that was the best one so far. 

"Oh, Bård, you are unbelievable."

"I know! Cool huh?!

"Very cool, but come on, let's get you to bed."

"No, wait... I'm hungrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy. And thirstyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy."

"Are you serious? It's 2.30 in the morning, you know."

"Yeah, but I'm hungry so I'm going to eat."

"Please don't tell me that you're going to cook in this state?"

"Noooooooo, I'lllllll maaaaaaaaaake a saaaaaaaaaaaaaaandwich."

"All right." 

Bård walked over to the kitchen, passing a vase on his way. He takes it, throws the flower out and starts drinking from the vase. Vegard takes the vase away from him.

"What are you doing? That's a vase, not a bottle of water! Ew, Bård.

"Oooh, that's why it tastes like herbs, blegh."

"Yes."

Bård continued his trip to the kitchen, zigzagging. In reality it wasn't even 2 metres away, but to Bård it seemed like it was more than a kilometer.

"Vegard, why is the kitchen so far away?"

"It's still standing where it stood before."

"Oh yes, noooooow I see. Hmm. Hi fridge, you are beautiful. Open up! I wanna see inside!. Hey! Open! Hey! Come on, open! Sesam? Vegard! The fridge is broken, it doesn't listen! I said open like 3 times, and it doesn't wanna move!"

"That's because fridges don't live Bård! You have to pull the handle if you want to open it."

"Ooh yeah, now I remember."

Bård opened the fridge and took a few things out. He took some ham, cheese, mustard, mayonaise, salad and ketchup. Then he took a piece of bread, put the ham and cheese on top, putting the mustard and all the other things on it as well. And then he just ate it. Vegard was looking strange at him. How could that taste good? When Bård had finished his sandwich, a big burp came out.

"I'm disgusted." Vegard said.

"Hi, I'm Bård!"

Vegard had to laugh again. His brother was really unbelievable.

"Come on, off to bed with you now. Let me help you, before you smash the rest of the house as well."

"Hmm. Okay disgusted, I'm getting tired."

"My name is Vegard and it doesn't surprise me that you are getting tired. Come on now."

Vegard supported Bård to get him upstairs. On the staircase they had several attacks of laughter, but they finally managed to get upstairs. Vegard helped Bård undress and put him in his bed. He drew the covers over him, said goodnight and closed the door. Vegard went back to his own bedroom and crawled under the covers. He was almost asleep, when he heard the door open and closing again. Then he felt a warm body crawling into bed next to him.

"Bård?"

"There is a monster in my bed and it makes awful snoring noises. I'm sleeping here." Bård said.

"Well, I think you woke up from your own snoring, but fine, you can sleep here, but really sleep then, I'm tired too."

"All right. Goodnight disgusted!"

"My name is Vegard! V-e-g-a-r-d, Vegard!"

Bård didn't hear it anymore, he already fell asleep. Vegard closed his eyes and in no time he was knock out too.

\---

The next day

\---

Vegard was already downstairs, cleaning up the mess his brother made yesterday. It was around 11 when Bård came down. He was looking terrible, as expected after drinking that much. Bård walked to the kitchen, took a glass of water and a painkiller. His head was hurting and he was feeling nauseous. After taking the pill, Bård went to lie down on the sofa.

"Not so happy anymore now huh?" Vegard said, with a smile.

"Vegard... I'm hungover."

"Hi hungover, I'm Vegard."

Bård gave his brother a strange look. Then they both just cracked up from laughter again. One thing Bård knew for sure, he was never drinking again.

**Author's Note:**

> What I learned today: I'm most definitely not a comedy writer :P Hope you liked it anyway


End file.
